photo by Jessica Tanzer 1990
SF Bay Guardian – September 12 1990
The local press started paying attention to us. The articles began in smaller, independent rags like the SF Sentinal and the SF Weekly and eventually The San Francisco Chronicle and BAM. It was the first time any project I had ever played in got any real press, and it fed the already steamrolling momentum of the band. By late 1990 and into early 1991 we were spending most of our time together – rehearsing, recording, flyering, gigging, etc – anything and everything for the band. We were all in romantic relationships of one sort or the other, but our first priority was evident.
Linda felt like a little sister to me and, however needlessly, I have always felt protective of her. In the early days I would hunt her down at one of her numerous girlfriends’ houses to roust her off of the couch and bring her to practice.
Bay Guardian Music Issue September 12 1990
A lot of musicians think that getting signed is the answer to their problems. In reality, it is one step in many, the beginning of a road that could land you somewhere less desirable than where you are standing. It can break up your band. It’s some tricky shit, especially when you are broke – because you can’t be distracted by the shiny things the record company people dangle in front of you.
If you got nothing you got nothing to lose. But when you have something special you have plenty to lose. And in the business of music you can lose a lot more than money. You can lose your integrity. The music can lose it’s heart. A lousy A&R guy can fuck up your record. A bad producer can rip the soul right out of your song. Your heart and soul and sweat and blood can sit on a shelf in some record company’s storage closet for all eternity. We eventually watched it happen to some of our friends. We had been broke long enough and managed to survive pretty well so we felt we wouldn’t be swayed by the offers until we found one that felt right.
SF Chronicle Nov 30 1990
Our friendship ran deep and we had genuine affection for each other. That said, we fought at times. As the buzz got louder and the stakes ran higher I remember feeling a lot of outside pressure. We hired a manager named Kat Sirdofsky, a rock enthusiast who’d experienced some local success with the bands Death Angel and Vain, and had once managed Tex and the Horseheads. We wanted to get signed but we had different ideas about how to do it and what we were willing to sacrifice to get there. I felt that Kat and I were from two very different worlds and hers was very straight.
This was back in the days before KD Lang was out of the closet. There were no openly gay performers in mainstream music. Being gay became an issue as we got farther from what was our core audience and moved closer to the big time. The big straight time.
I am quite certain that Kat would have tried to replace me if i wasn’t such an integral part of the band musically. We never really got along, and I didn’t trust her. We were from two different worlds – she was slightly hip, attractive and seemed comfortable shmoozing the suits. I won’t lie; that whole scene was something I found agitating. I just wanted to play music. I had never really considered being on MTV; it had always seemed other worldy to me.
We opened for Bob Mould at The Warfield Nov 16 1990
We consciously weren’t aiming for an independent label, we wanted a major label deal (and the distribution that goes with it). As we started seriously pursuing a recording contract, Kat voiced her opinions about the look of the band. Outside of the hipness of San Francisco our marketability was questionable to her. Linda and Shaunna made some adjustments; Linda started wearing dresses at shows and committed to doing it until we were signed. Shaunna wore some make-up, I think. It wasn’t any sort of huge compromise for them, really. It was the kind of thing your mom might ask you to do because company’s coming over.
I recall getting really angry when Kat approached me personally and said that I should “tone down” my appearance. The added criticism created infighting as the negotiations intensified. During a heated argument one evening at rehearsal Linda said she would “put her hair in a bun if she had to – anything to get signed!” She felt that eventually, when we had secured a contract, we could do what the fuck we wanted. But seemingly out of nowhere there was added pressure placed on us because of the way we looked and the fact that we were dykes and it literally made me sick to my stomach. I felt the world closing in on me somehow. I felt that my chops could do the talking and it didn’t matter to the audience if I looked “too hard” or whatever. Too butch. Fuck ’em.
All those arguments seem silly to me now because I know in spite of our youth we were all too sure of ourselves to really change for anyone. We have each steadfastly remained, if anything, true to that fact. But it did fuel some heated disagreements and sometimes dampen the moment, adding additional stress to an already stressful time.
